I was on the 14th floor
saying I don’t want to die
but I don’t want to be here either.
I guess we all have our secrets.
He said you’re feeling helpless,
everything is meaningless.
I asked are you getting paid for this?
Then he helped me.
I would forget to tell myself
at least you have your health.
I would think
give me feedback.
Use the weight of the world
to break my back.
People would say relax
and I would try
but I couldn’t get it off.
Things
wouldn’t
slow
down.
I wanted to be in the sunlight
on the back porch
with my grandfather.
As they faded away,
I wanted to
too.
Why do children
always get straight to the point?
They make sense
where we make mistakes.
They are honest,
their logic is inarguable.
Adults are scared,
some more than others.
I felt my muscles ache
and quiver.
I thought about incurable disorders,
saw my voice constantly crossed the borders
of self-pity
without reason.
I realised I was looking at life
like an ant’s nest
seeing the descent
of an atomic bomb.
Things weren’t that bad,
I was lucky.
I am here once
and the next place forever.
I will do the things
that give me freedom.
I’ll still want them
but I won’t think about it.
I will still see it,
still feel the sadness of the world
but I won’t swim in mine.
All things right themselves
eventually.
If they don’t,
it’s still no reason to worry,
you’ve put your seatbelt on;
just hope it’s
for a long time.
Oh smile at me,
look me in the eyes,
make me realise
the moments are a blessing,
not a collection of curses.
Remind
my mind of the simple good.
The places you ask me to go,
I would.
And it’s about time I understood
it’s not that hard
to tie my shoelaces,
piece together
a string of things done right,
stop turning off
my own light.