Christmas paper soggy
from the son lost a few days ago.
She couldn’t throw the present away now,
this time of year was wasteful enough already.
her hands wouldn’t stop shaking,
her stomach wouldn’t stop contracting.
Across the street a different house,
a different feeling.
Two lovers just announced
they’re getting married.
Rainbows lit up across the country
and it was like a loose brick in the wall
had finally slid back into place.
You could feel the energy
but then you hear these everyday conversations…
“You’re a dumb whore cunt, wish I’d never met you way back when.”
“Aboriginals, not half a brain between the lot of them.”
They’re breaking down the mortar
so the erosion doesn’t go away.
I don’t know how to stop it.
It’s important to learn about darkness.
Not so you can find the right way,
just so you can survive.
You can light a little candle
in a circle around yourself,
you can pull others in but only for a short time.
They’ll breathe all the oxygen in
one of you will be alone again.
(In the blinding light
of the realisation of my life
I saw you’d gotten a move on
and I hadn’t budged in so long.
It was alright, I was learning to be laid back.)
What is it about the colour purple?
It won’t tell me
if it’s happy or sad,
reminds me of the battle fought
inside my own head.
For years now it’s up and down,
I’ve always managed to keep it down.
(Walking in the dark with my dog,
on a deserted bike path,
I can feel ten feet tall.
I can feel wild and strong.
I see nothing for miles
except the lights in the distance
of the cars going
places they think are more meaningful than mine.)
In the moments of respite
where the only movement is a leaf
falling to the ground
you’ve got to wonder
if you stayed there forever
and let yourself fade away,
would it be peaceful,
would it be a better way to go
than fighting all the way down the line
until you’re too tired and old
to do it anymore?