small

A thousand guys better than me,

I stared into the blue.

Something about the colour,

something deeper there

spoke of solving problems.

Didn’t help me impress you.

 

On the train,

centrally wedged,

I felt like a child again.

I was molten in my seat,

fever taking hold.

But it wasn’t just my body,

specks in my mind, pain in my skull

made me feel more than old.

 

I get tired more often,

I wish the air to dissolve me.

My patience used to be my pride

but now I find it hard to soften.

 

I curse the change,

I thought I had my head around it

but under the surface of my skin

I’m aggravated, feeling strange.

 

I’m a power surge,

happy

and sad

are interchangeable,

as is my urge

towards recklessness and caution.

 

Don’t mess it up

I tell myself

before I begin to sweat.

Holes in my hull,

I don’t fill up.

 

I would drive away

if survival wasn’t a reason to stay.

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unseeing

Without realising,

the grass overran the pavers

by the garden,

concealing the cracks.

A caterpillar traced a blade,

slowly dipping

towards the grain of the ground.

Equally unaware,

the insect fell victim

to the swoop

of a keen-beaked magpie.

 

A puppy, husky,

had an unconscious thought

while sunning herself.

Her sapphire eyes caught the movement,

that was all.

Back legs sprang into action.

As the bird cleared the yard

the puppy launched too late

and wobbled the fence.

 

A mouse delicately traversed

along the colourbond,

oblivious

except to the straight line it was running.

When the tin shook

it was startled.

As quick as the snap of time

it tumbled,

the wrong way.

Instincts already activated,

the puppy pounced

and her jaws closed

and the rodent,

it’s eyes closed

not understanding

a single moment

of it’s life.

 

 

I stepped outside

to the wagging tail

and the bright, proud eyes.

It could have been the best time of her life

but she wouldn’t ever remember.

Until later,

when it had already snuck away.